Johnny Jump Up
Oh never, oh never, oh never again.
If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten.
I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up,
after drinking a quart of the Johnny Jump Up.
I'll tell you a story that happened to me,
one day as I went down to Yawl by the sea.
The sun it was bright, and the day it was warm.
Says I, “a quiet pint wouldn't do me no harm”.
I went in to the barman and said “give me a stout”.
Says the barman, “I'm sorry, all the beer is sold out.
Try whiskey or Paddy, ten years in the wood”.
Says I, “I'll try cider, I've heard that it’s good”.
After downing the third I went out to the yard,
where I bumped into Brody, the big civic guard.
“Come here to me boy, don't you know I'm the law?”
Well I upped, with me fist, and I shattered his jaw.
He fell to the ground, with his knees doubled up,
but it wasn't I hit him, 'twas Johnny Jump Up.
And the next thing I remember down in Yawl by the sea,
was a cripple on crutches and says he to me:
“I'm afraid for me life, I'll be hit by a car.
Won't you help me across to the Celtic Knot Bar?”
After downing a quart, of that cider so sweet,
he threw down his crutches and danced on his feet.
I went up the lee road, a friend for to see.
They call it the madhouse, in Cork by the Lee.
But when I got there, sure the truth I will tell,
they had the poor bugger locked up in a cell.
Said the guard testing him, say these words if you can,
"Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran".
“Tell him I'm not crazy, tell him I'm not mad.
It was only a sip of the bottle I had.”
Well a man died in the mines, by the name of McNabb.
They washed him and laid him outside on the slab.
And after the parlor’s measurements did take,
his wife brought him home to a bloody fine wake.
Twas about 12 o'clock and the beer was high,
the corpse sits up, and says with a sigh;
“I can't get to heaven, they won't let me up,
‘Til I bring them a quart of the Johnny Jump Up”